after months of my inactivity on my site it should have been pretty clear already that I have moved on from this community.

It was a wonderful place to start and grow as an artist, but its no longer what it used to be and I will be having this particular account closed.

Thank you for those of you that have supported me so graciously over the years!!!!

Brave Mädchen kommen in den Himmel ... böse Mädchen kommen überall hin !



News from Germany: I have been accepted to the program, and have been awarded a stipend (amount unknown)...will be studying at LMU in Muenchen!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!

I will likely be doing my brushup courses at Freiburg (4 weeks) and Dresden (8 weeks).

Of course, if there are models or photographers in the area who would like to collaborate with me on a project, I would love to continue with my photography while I am abroad. While in Dresden I will be close to friends in Prague and a bit further away in Slovakia- trips will be made!

Not much school left to plow through, but still enough to be daunting- four weeks...and most of my friends are already happily at home for the summer and employed (or relaxing...I am so envious...)

Every week seems like a midterm week. My Bio/art class is by far the most difficult class I have had to tackle her at the U, and I wouldn't be surprised if it stays a top runner. I have made so much progress, however, and have retained so much. My drawing skills are improving, as well as my lab-writing techniques - my general knowledge of certain areas of evolution, on which the class is based (trees, flowers, skulls, flight)- and my observation skills are being honed. It will feel like a huge acoomplishment to make it out of this class with a strong grade- which at this point I still think is attainable if I keep up the pace I've been setting for myself.


Appreciating the support that seems overflowing from you all...

big hugs from my end.

My brother earned his driver's license today. I am so proud!!!


Feeling better. Thank you.

Mood: sometimes...
Listening to: Wallflowers

I hate the anticipation of a brief relief of stress being met simply by another brick wall. I hate outside pressures. I hate mascara smeared by tears, and tears when they linger on the outside of a nostril. I hate the unmistakeable high-pitched tone in my voice that signals when I'm about to lose it. Blotchy red.

I also hate the inability to move foward, to get past something- to "let something go". And I hate it when you don't have anyone near that can empathise with your need to keep ahold of that something.

My parents are in Alaska now, and mom just packed up my room. She said they didn't know which crap I'd want to keep and which to throw away, so they packed it all. They found my "outdoor survival kit" (garbage bag, fishingline, pocketknife, magnifying glass, waterproof matches, flint) stuffed in a bandaide container. They went through the papers and assignments I kept from gradeschool, and the open journals I kept. I wonder if they found the silly notes I kept from Trent, or the paper I folded up to remind me why suicide is selfish.
I know they probably went through my trinket collection (dried starfish, shells, seaurchins, dragonflies, fish earbones and small abilone and feathers). They packed up my letters, my old tapered, too-light, too-big in the butt jeans that I hated and my tee-shirts with paint on them from that summer. They probably went through my photoalbum- another summer.

Home won't ever be a home again. Even though my friends all moved away after I went to school- this time its different. Camp won't exist at all. Its not the same for someone who's lived a "normal" life, a "normal" childhood. Not that many people I knew grew up on a floating town. Whenever I moved as a child, my home went with me. Whenever I moved as a teenager, (boarding school, Austria), I could always go home. Now home will have to be sold. Oregon is home to, but not like Alaska is to me. I knew it had to happen, but I wish I was ready.

Mood: kiiiiiiiiiiisses!
Listening to: Missy Elliot & Timbaland

NO waY!


DD??? TOTAL Surprise- thank you Cathrine and Mike!!!!! And to all of you who have left me such great comments- thank you!!!






The latest:

Juggling many things and my prioritizing leaves something to be desired at the moment-

My classes are: Number Theory (*wimper*), The Illustrated Organism (A combined Bio/Arts class that satisfies a lab requirement, studio arts credit and writing credit in one....what does this mean? The end of my social life as I know it....), and Study of German Cinema (whew?).

I am still working at the coffee kiosk, and the rugby season is off to a BEAUTIFUL start. Our rookies are pumped, I am pumped, and have been working out like a mad woman to make up for my loafing around over winter break. I feel myself getting toned and tougher. First test will be this weekend, as we are having a tourney against RPI, SUNY Albany, and (Naskau?).

Wish me luck and no broken bones (or torn ligaments)!!!

Still waiting on response from Germany... god this sucks to be in limbo... I had to put in my $150 dollar housing deposit here just in case.... but I will think positively!!!!

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!!